Ranked: All 13 Original Colonies, By Vibes Alone

Let us be clear about the methodology: there was none. We did not read anything. We simply sat quietly and thought about each colony until a feeling arrived.

13. Delaware. First to ratify, and it has never once let anyone forget it. Respect the hustle. Exhausting at parties.

12. New Hampshire. Enormous personality for the square footage. The state motto is a threat, and honestly? Effective.

11. Georgia. Founded as a debtor's colony, which is the most relatable origin story on this list, and got progressively more peach-forward from there.

10. New Jersey. Contains multitudes. Also contains traffic.

9. Connecticut. Genuinely lovely. Somehow still forgettable. We forgot it twice while writing this list.

8. Maryland. Crab-based economy, crab-based flag, crab-based identity. Total commitment to a bit. We admire it enormously.

7. North Carolina. Barbecue civil war, ongoing, no end in sight. Passion is a vibe.

6. Rhode Island. The smallest one with the longest official name. Overcompensating in a way we find charming.

5. Pennsylvania. Home of the actual Liberty Bell, which is cracked, which is arguably the most honest monument any nation has ever produced.

4. New York. You know what it did.

3. South Carolina. Beautiful, humid, dramatic. Never does anything by half.

2. Virginia. Produced an unreasonable number of presidents. Simply an absurd hit rate. Like a small country that only makes point guards.

1. Massachusetts. Threw a large amount of tea into a harbor as a political statement. Still, centuries later, the single funniest thing anyone on this continent has ever done.

Complaints may be directed to the eagle. He is not sympathetic.